Better Quality of Sex with Age

The traditional cultural theme is that a real man is totally sexually confident and performs with the regularity and predictability of his teens and 20s. The erroneous belief is that anything less is a failure. Other, more sophisticated, men realize that sex is different in their 60s and still enjoy sex but are disappointed and believe they have to settle for second-class sexuality. We believe just the opposite. Sex after 60 is more genuine and human, more of an intimate, interactive experience. You need each other in a way that you didn’t in your 20s. Although sex is less predictable and controllable, in many ways it is more affirming, involving, and rewarding. For individual and relationship satisfaction, it is very much a first-class experience.

Many women surprise their partners by saying that they enjoy sex now more than they did 30 years ago. A woman likes the fact that you need her stimulation for arousal and orgasm. Give-and-take sex can be a powerful aphrodisiac for you and for her. A wise man learns to piggy-back his arousal on hers. Through most of your sex life, a man’s arousal is easier, quicker, and more predictable than a female’s. Now you can enjoy and take advantage of this role enhancement. It is the perfect example of being intimate, interactive friends. You need each other and can enjoy each other more as pleasuring and eroticism build more slowly. This process, which involves more genital (especially penile) stimulation, can be particularly enjoyable.

Men under 35 enjoy receiving penile stimulation — whether manual or oral — but only when they are already aroused. Being receptive and responsive to penile touch as a way to develop and reinforce arousal is a new experience for most men. The healthy approach is to accept and enjoy this variable, flexible sexual response. This includes accepting creative and sometimes unpredictable sexual scenarios. A common mistake aging men make is to jump on their developing erection so they can insert before they lose the erection. This is equivalent to the “sexual drag racing” of younger men, who are afraid of premature ejaculation, going to intercourse as soon as possible to be sure they ejaculate inside the woman.

Sexual Wisdom

As men mature and become sexually wiser, they find that sexual response and control are based on relaxation, slowing down expands the pleasuring/eroticism process, and learning to understand your body and sexual response increases psychosexual skills. Men over 60 learn to accept and enhance the body’s sexual response. Rather than trying to start intercourse when you can, the sexual technique is to transition to intercourse when you should. Arousal (subjective and objective) is conceptualized on a 10-point scale, where 5 is the beginning level of arousal signaled by start of an erection, 7 is higher arousal with a firm erection, 9 is high levels of erotic flow, and 10 is orgasm. Rather than transition to intercourse at 5, we suggest transitioning at 7 or 8. The strategy many couples use is for the woman to decide when to initiate intercourse and to guide intromission. This stops you from playing the spectator role and allows you to fully engage in the process of giving and receiving pleasurable and erotic touch.